Are you a Cinderella or a Calimero?

Always strong. Never asking. Fixing everything yourself.
Is that you? Or do you recognise this instead: you don’t say what you need, you smile, adapt, and make sure it all works out.
Maybe you’re the caring, responsible one — busy taking care of others.
But… who takes care of you?

If you’re honest, you rarely ask for help. Somewhere along the line you decided (often unconsciously) that doing it alone was the safest way.
At some point you realised the unconditional love you needed from your parents wasn’t going to come the way you hoped. Not because they didn’t love you, but because they couldn’t give it. So you found a way to survive.

As children we typically adapt in two broad ways. We either push the pain outward or pull it inward. These are survival strategies, not identities — and most of us use a mix.

Externalisers (the “Calimero” pattern)
Calimero is a small cartoon chick famous for: “It’s not fair!”

• Blame and frustration go outward.

• Quick to anger, hard to self-reflect in the moment.

• Often seek validation and see the world as against them.
  Motto: “It’s not my fault — the world is unfair.”

Internalisers (the “Cinderella” pattern)

• Turn pain, confusion, and guilt inward.

• Believe “It must be my fault” and try to be better, sweeter, more helpful, more perfect.

• Take on huge responsibility and lose touch with their own needs.
  Many women recognise this pattern: pleasing, smoothing things over, comforting the angry or sad parent — while quietly disappearing from themselves.

It’s crucial to remember: there’s no blame here.

These are survival strategies—ways to stay safe in an emotionally unsafe environment.

But recognising which pattern you developed is essential. Because only when you understand it, can you stop reacting from old reflexes— and get closer to your true self.

In the next two snippets of this series, I’ll share how you can approach this process step by step.
Lindsay Gibson shows that there are ways to heal yourself, so you can break free from old patterns without blaming your parents (okay, maybe briefly 😉) and become more yourself.

#mentalhealth #parenting #emotions #feelings #notaskingforhelp #innerchild #personalgrowth #pleasing #survivalstrategies #cinderella #calimero #familypatterns #generationaltrauma #awareness