I am a substitute child

Thursday morning. A new client.

Jackie* walks in right on time. She sits down and jumps straight in.

“You know, Louise, I’m 41. Last year, my parents told me I used to have an older brother who died before I was born.
WTF—why tell me now?”

That was her opening line.

She was visibly shaken. Furious. But under the anger, I could feel her grief. Her confusion. And something else too: her knowing.

As we talked, Jackie started naming her feelings.
She was angry that no one had told her sooner. Deeply upset. But also lost—because she didn’t know how to deal with the emotions that came up.

After a while, she said something that stayed with me:
“I’ve always had this feeling that something was off. Like I had to be the good kid. The one no one could complain about. Especially for my mother.”

It made sense. On a deep, almost cellular level, she had always felt something wasn't quite right.

We often know more than we think.
Even when we can't name it, our bodies, our nervous system, our inner compass feel the truth.

Talking about it—naming it—can be the first step toward healing.
But subjects like this aren’t easy. They touch on your own identity, loyalty, and grief. It takes time.

Jackie is one of the many clients I’ve seen over the past 25 years. And stories like hers remind me again and again how powerful—and necessary—it is to create space for what was never spoken.

*Jackie is of course not her real name #privacy

#spiritualpsychology #feelings #substitutechild #innerknowing