Not your fault!

Not nice.
When you see it here, written out, it might even be confronting:

One or both of your parents were emotionally immature.

They couldn’t give you what you longed for as a child — unconditional love, genuine attention, and the deep knowing that you were good enough just as you were.

The English abbreviation is LAVA: Love, Approval, Validation, and Acceptance.
Maybe part of you is still waiting for that. Still hoping things will change.
But you don’t have to wait anymore.

Your parents probably won’t change.
What can change is how you relate to yourself — and to them.
That’s where your power lies.

Dr. Lindsay Gibson describes several steps toward healing.
The first two are the foundation.

1. Recognise the pattern

Your parents’ behaviour is not proof that you are inadequate.
It says something about their limitations — not your worth.
That realisation can be deeply liberating: It wasn’t my fault.

But it can also stir up a lot: anger, resentment, even disgust.
And underneath all that, often a deep sadness about what you missed.

Finding peace with that takes time.
The insight can come in a flash; the integration may take years.

2. Build emotional independence

Stop seeking validation from someone who cannot give it.

Your parents are unlikely to change. You can talk to them if you wish, but ask yourself: what do I hope to get from that?
Releasing your frustration on them won’t heal the wound.

Instead, turn inward.
Listen to your own knowing, your inner intuition, your quiet wisdom.

“I am good as I am — even if they never see me.”

Sounds simple, but it is not an easy process.
Because once you truly start to feel this, your parents may fall from their pedestal.
The belief that “my parents know best” begins to crumble.
That can feel sad, lonely, or disorienting.

And yet, this is what true adulthood means — directing your life from your own centre, no longer dependent on their approval.

If you’ve spent your whole life seeking their validation —
what might your life look like when you no longer need it?

Exploring these patterns, these underlying (limiting) beliefs can be deeply healing — releasing your mask, moving a bit closer to your True Self.

You don’t have to navigate this alone. It's my area of expertise.
You are welcome. Always.

In the next snippet, we’ll look at how boundaries, safe relationships, and self-reparenting help you live that freedom.

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