No Bad Parts

Sometimes you can get pretty fed up with certain sides of yourself.

The part that wants to keep everything under control.
The part that keeps thinking about what could go wrong.
Or the part that keeps saying yes when you actually mean no.
Or the part that, just when you want to try something new, starts saying: Are you sure about this?

We often think we need to change these sides of ourselves.
Worry less. Control less. Please others less. Trust more.

But what if that behaviour once made perfect sense?

That is one of the things I love about Internal Family Systems (IFS), the method developed by Richard Schwartz, author of No Bad Parts.
IFS is based on the idea that we don’t consist of one simple ‘I’. We all have different parts that sometimes want completely different things.

One part of you wants to rest. Another thinks you should finish your to-do list first.
One part knows exactly what it wants. Another starts doubting it again five minutes later.

And the interesting thing is that these parts aren’t there to annoy you or get in your way.

They are trying to protect you.

Maybe the part that wants to control everything once learned that being prepared is safer than being caught by surprise.
Maybe the part that tries to keep everyone happy learned that harmony is safer than disagreement or conflict.
And maybe the part that doubts everything thinks it can protect you from making the wrong decision.

That doesn’t mean you should simply leave all those patterns as they are. But it does make a difference how you look at them.

Instead of: Why am I doing this again? you could also think: What is this part actually trying to protect me from?

That sounds a lot kinder, doesn’t it?

Because maybe we don’t need to get rid of all those difficult parts of ourselves.
Maybe some of them just need to discover that they don’t have to work quite so hard anymore.

Or, as I often say: maybe some parts are ready for a little holiday.