Parental phubbing... Parental WHAT???

 I never knew there was a word for it: parental phubbing. But as soon as you hear it, you know exactly what it means: parents who find their phone or iPad more important (consciously or unconsciously) than contact with their child.

I see it more and more often. While walking: child in the stroller, mom or dad behind them, absorbed in a screen. Sometimes calling, often scrolling or texting. Probably something urgent. But still… the real connection is missing.

And children notice that. They are not likely to say anything about it, after all, they are children. Maybe they have become so used to ‘shared attention’ that they have come to consider it normal.

But on a deeper level, all kinds of things are happening. According to Bowlby’s attachment theory, a safe and available parent is essential for a child’s development. Not perfect, not always doing everything right – but present. Available. With attention.

If you often choose a screen instead of your child, you create an invisible distance. It goes beyond just that walk. It also teaches children something about themselves. Are they worth being truly seen? Or do they have to fight for attention? Or maybe just withdraw and start pleasing to get attention?

And then you have your role model function, you are a role model. Children copy you. If you are constantly looking at your phone, they learn that this is ‘normal’.

That you let yourself be distracted, even in the company of people who should be the most important to you.

That sounds intense.

And it is.

But it is important to look at it honestly. Not to judge yourself – everyone gets distracted sometimes – but to see what it is really about.

Being present starts with mini moments. Leave your phone in your bag for a moment during a walk, put it on silent. Really listen when your child tells you something. Your eyes on them and not on your screen.

Because your eyes, that moment of real contact, means everything to your child. And for yourself eventually, because raising children really does become easier 😉