Taking Back Your Own Power

You often read in self-help books that you need to take back your own power.

It’s also something many coaches and therapists focus on in their work.

When you think about it, it sounds a little strange.

As if you need to become stronger. More assertive. Clearer about what you want. Maybe even bang your fist on the table every now and then.

And perhaps sometimes you do. But I think it can also be much smaller than that.
This might be a little easier to put into practice.

For example, by noticing how often you ask other people for permission.

Do you think this is a good idea too?
Do you think I can really do this?
Am I being selfish if I say no?
What would you do if you were me?

Of course, there is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for advice. I do it too.

Sometimes someone else sees something you don’t, or a conversation helps you get your thoughts straight.

But there is a difference between asking someone for advice and needing someone else to make your choice for you. Or perhaps even to approve it.

You notice that difference most when someone doesn’t say what you were hoping to hear.

You’ve decided not to go out with your friends one evening and one of them is disappointed.
You want to become a vegetarian and your colleague doesn’t understand why. You choose that new job instead of carrying on as you are, and your mother tells you she would do things very differently.

And suddenly, you start doubting yourself again.

You explain more.
You defend your choice.
Or you tell them once again why it matters to you, hoping that eventually they’ll say: “Yes, I understand. You’re right.”

When actually, that often isn’t necessary at all.

The other person is allowed to be disappointed. They’re allowed not to understand. They’re even allowed to think you should make a different choice.

And you are still allowed to choose what feels right for you.

Maybe that’s what taking back your own power really means.

Not that other people’s opinions no longer affect you.
Not that you never ask for advice again or take someone else into consideration.

But that you become better at recognising when you’re asking for advice and when you’re actually asking for permission.

And that someone else’s voice doesn’t automatically have to carry more weight than your own.